We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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