UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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