We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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