speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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