I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
