and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
