and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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