what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
