There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
