Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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