did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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