sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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