Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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