BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
