i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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