Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
please come you make the beer taste better
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
