hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
