so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
