So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
