Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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