I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
