I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
