am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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