we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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