I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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