Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want nice things and good sex
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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