Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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