Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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