just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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