They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
