my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
