Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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