There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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