That's intense
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
