you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
