i love accidental penises.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
