I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
