C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
