there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
