i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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