As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
