So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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