i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize