Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
