Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
