He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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