We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
