theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
