It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
