you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I stole a fireplace last night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
