I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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