I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
as a side note pls kill me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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