I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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