thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
