Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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