My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
