Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
