So drunk its hurt
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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