2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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