My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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