My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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