I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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