Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
