She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
well you can't waste a boner
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
