Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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