"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
