Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I deserve this hangover.
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