I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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